Swim Jokes

What is yellow and can't swim?

An excavator. And why? Because it only got one arm.

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What's big, yellow, and can't swim?

A schoolbus full of children.

Why do squirrels swim on their back?

To keep their nuts dry.

What's grey and can't swim?

A castle

Why was the fish swimming alone?

Because he left the school.

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

Micro Phelps.

Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America.

How do you open a door underwater?

You swimming pull

Why do people from Istanbul always swim?

Because they're constant in a pool.

Why Republicans cannot swim as freely as they want?

Dems!

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How did the hipster drown?

By swimming in the main stream.

Why can't Mexico field a good Olympic team?

Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is already here in the US.

What do French people do when vacationing in Laos?

They go swimming in Laotian

Why is it a bad idea to swim in the Mississippi River?

Because it has pp in it.

Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.

Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

Black people can't swim. -.-

Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics?

Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA.

Why are they called Tuna Fish?

Because they don't swim in pairs. Are there two of those fish? Nahhh.

What's the difference between an accident and a catastrophe?

It's an accident if a boat full of refugees starts to take in water. A catastrophe is if they know how to swim

Why aren't the Williams sisters competing against Michael Phelps?

Black people can't swim.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bulldozer

Why are millionaires bad at swimming?

Because they drown at their own wealth Edit: I got down voted :( I thought of that in my head and just wanted to share it

Why does Mexico never do well in the Olympics?

Anyone who can run, jump or swim is already over the border

What do you call a doctor who only swims with his t on?

A Sturgeon

Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?

Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border.

Why can't Z generationers swim?

Their phones would get wet.

Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?

Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

Why do seals swim in salt water?

Cause pepper makes them sneeze.

Howdeepisthepool?

He had too much to drink before he went swimming!

Why can't black people swim?

Because there is no water in Africa.

What do you call a marine who can't swim?

A submarine.

What did the blind kid get for Christmas?

swimming goggles

What do you call a coi fish that can't swim?

A decoi

How do you sink a norwegian submarine?

Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)

How do college students exercise?

By swimming in their debt.

Why did the fish swim off of the waterfall?

For the Halibut.

Why can't two elephants go swimming?

They only have one pair of trunks.

What does a fish say when it swims into a concrete wall?

Dam!

Where do Old Egyptian people go to Swim?

The Senile River

Why does Mexico do so badly in the Olympics ?

Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the US.

Where do hipsters swim?

Not in the mainstream

Why aren't their Mexican Olympics?

Because all of the Mexicans that can run,jump,and swim are in America!

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

Why has Mexico never won olympic gold?

All those who can run, jump and swim are in Texas.

Why do fish swim in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

Why do the sharks only swim in salt water?

because they would sneeze in pepper water.

Why did the lone dolphin stop swimming?

He didn't see a porpoise...

What do you call Dracula when he goes swimming?

Aqua-Vlad

What is the fakest part of Skyrim?

The fact that red guards can swim.

What kind of Internet creep can swim the fastest?

A TOR pedo.

Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?

Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.

What do Scrooge McDuck and dragons have in common?

They love to swim in gold coins.

Why are there no mexican in the olympics?

Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!

Why shouldn't white people swim?

Crackers get soggy when wet.

Where do people from Laos like to swim?

In Laotian.

How many children with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Wanna go swimming?

Why shouldn't white people go swimming?

Nobody likes a soggy cracker!

Why doesn't Mexico have a team in the summer Olympics?

Because all the ones who can run, jump or swim are ready in the US.

Why is sperm white?

Because it can swim

Why does Mexico never wins any medals at the Olympic Games?

Because everyone who runs, swims, or jump really well is already across the border.

What did the New York Salmon say to the driver?

I'm swimming here!

Where does Justin Timberlake go swimming when he's in the Ukraine?

The Crimea River

How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk?

When it's past your eyes.

Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?

Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S

Why are marines who can't swim better?

They defend the ship with way more enthusiasm.

Why don't the Mexicans have an olympics team?

Because anybody who can run jump or swim is in the States.

What did the electrician say while swimming across a river?

Oh my God, that's a lot of current!"

How was your day?

Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers

What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim ?

An octopuss !

How is "Shark spotted swimming off the coast" news worthy?

Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different.

What does a fish say when it swims into a wall?

Dam.

What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?

Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"

Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?

Cause it's far out, man

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

The specific ocean.

Who's There -Panther -Panther who?

Panther no pants, I'm going swimming!

Why can't Mexico field a winning Olympic team?

Because everyone that can run, jump or swim is in the US.

What is black, heavy, and can't swim?

A grand piano.

What did the bee use to dry off after swimming?

A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles A honeycomb.

What has two knees and swims in the ocean?

A Two-knee fish!.....

Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics?

Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.

What's a homophobic congressman's favorite place to swim?

In da Nile

Why did Matthew Arnold go swimming before writing Dover Beach?

Before writing the poem, he felt he had to do some sole-searching.

Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?

There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.

Where does a Muslim learn to swim?

Inshallah water.

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

Why does Mexico always do so poorly in the olympics?

Anyone who could run, swim or jump made it to the USA.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Why isn't the Mexican olympic team any good?

Anyone who can run jump or swim is already across the border.

What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?

He was a card shark!

Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't?

Aardvarks don't have trunks!

What fish only swims at night ?

A starfish !

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?

Got this is a Cracker Jack box) Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

Why did the clueless shark keep swimming in circles?

A : It had a bleed on its tail fin.

Why do traffic lights never go swimming?

Because they spend too much time changing.

What don't elephants forget when they go swimming?

Their trunks.

Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound?

If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air ?

A seahorse !

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