What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head?

Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine

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Red Light Jokes More Red Light Jokes

Why didn't you stop at that red light?

Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.

What did the green light say to the red light?

I love you, but I'm sick of yellow light always breaking us up.

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

How do you play a big game of Hungry Hippos?

Go to a weight watchers meeting and roll Maltesers down the middle of their meeting circle.

Why can't a dog clap in the middle of a movie?

Because it keeps hitting pause.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you make a Snowman smile?

Tell him the snowblower is coming.

Why did the mexican girl get pregnant?

Because her teacher told her to do an essay

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

What do you tell a cow blocking a road?

Mooove

Why did the guy from Brooklyn cross the road?

None of your f**king business.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

How can you tell that a straight pin is confused?

Just look at it. It's headed in one direction and pointed in the other.

Why ya going to the airport?

Why ya going to the airport? Flying Somewhere?" : "How'd you guess?" : "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?" : "Aspen." : "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

What's the difference between men and pigs?

Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Why do pigs like February 14th?

They get lots of Valenswines.