Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long?

I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

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Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What sort file do you you need to turn a 1.5 inch hole into a 4.5 inch one?

A pedo-file.

When is a car, not a car?

When it turns into a driveway.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts

What does a gun, a fire extinguisher, and a condom have in common?

Its better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it

Reach Jokes More Reach Jokes

What type of truck takes a very long time to reach its destination?

A log n truck.

Why can't dwarfs sing?

Because they can't reach the high notes. Bonus: how does dwarves communicate? Smalltalk.

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Where do you buy a baby?

Hole Foods.

How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

Soda Jokes More Soda Jokes

What do you call a soda that's really sad?

So Dapressed. I'll leave now.

What do you get if you cross a chemical and a bicycle ?

Bike carbonate of soda !

Receipt Jokes More Receipt Jokes

Why did Cher go nuclear when the shopkeeper didn't give her the receipt?

Cher-No-Bill

What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?

Sir, you dropped your receipt!"

Wad Jokes More Wad Jokes

Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?

I did! Well here's the elastic band.

What did the cashier say after handing down a wad of currency to Dracula?

Count Dracula."

Cash Jokes More Cash Jokes

What do you get when you cash in your memes for karma?

A dank statement.

Whole Foods "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok?

Yes!" puts half the cash I had to charge for the bag