Heinz Jokes

What is Walter White's favourite brand of ketchup?

Heinz-enburg.

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Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?

I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup " So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.

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Ketchup Jokes More Ketchup Jokes

What do you tell a slow tomato?

what Ketchup

What happens when you run away from tomatos?

They ketchup.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Why is Congress like a cold?

Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How do you spell elephant ?

E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t "That's not how the dictionary spells it" "You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it !"

How do remove a bunch of drunk Canadians from the pool?

You ask them to leave.

Walter White Jokes More Walter White Jokes

Why can't you tell Walter White a knock knock joke?

Because HE is the one who knocks.

What does Walter White say when he tells a knock-knock joke?

I am the one who Knock-knocks.

People Jokes More People Jokes

How do you say goodbye to two people in Spanish?

Adidos!

What are people afraid of puns called?

Homophonic I'm sorry...

Cover Jokes More Cover Jokes

What's 8 feet tall, covered in fur, and walks around the Himalayas undermining your arguments by attacking your character?

The Adhomineminal Snowman

What did the blanket say to the bed?

Don't worry, I've got you covered.

2020 Jokes More 2020 Jokes

What do you think you're going to be doing in 5 years?

Me: I dont know, I dont have 2020 vision

Why do people keep asking me what I'm going to be doing in three years?

I don't have 2020 vision.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.

What did Nietzsche tell his editor when he finished writing Thus Spoke Zarathustra?

It's over, man.