Security Jokes

What do you call the security at a Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy, or firefighters.

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Why do donut shops not hire security?

Because Cops go there willingly. Free security and protection.

Why is it the only thing a woman wants out of a man these days is security?

Well it's the first thing they say when I approach them.

Why didn't the TSA let the chair through security?

It was armed.

What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?

A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

Who are the real Guardians of the Galaxy?

Security at Samsung.

Why did the door to door sales man get nervous and run away?

He was selling In-Security Heh yeah i dunno i thought it up in a dream and I'm still half asleep bye

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Airport Security Jokes More Airport Security Jokes

Why was the actor detained by airport security?

He said he was in town to shoot a pilot.

What did airport security tell the Dentist?

We need to give you a cavity search

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

What does a pound, a dollar and rumble have in common?

For a dollar you can get a pound of rubles.

Whats the difference between Taylor Swift and Adele?

About fifty pounds

Protection Jokes More Protection Jokes

Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle?

When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection.

Why do donut shops not hire security?

Because Cops go there willingly. Free security and protection.

China Jokes More China Jokes

How do you get a job with Apple?

Be born in China.

What do you call 69-ing in China?

Tu Can Chu

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

When is the only time a white NFL wide receiver is a good thing?

When your sister tells you she's dating an NFL wide receiver.

What do you call it when one piece of coal asks another piece of coal out to dinner?

Carbon dating.

Samsung Store Jokes More Samsung Store Jokes

What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store?

A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

What do you call the security at a Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy, or firefighters.

Alarm Jokes More Alarm Jokes

How do alien hunters keep from oversleeping?

They SETI their alarm-y

How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?

Alarmed.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated?

Two men a night.

What's a man in a hurry like to drink?

man-go juice!