How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did Mr &amp Mrs Rockmelon say to their daughter when she wanted to run off with Johnny Watermelon?

A: But you cantaloupe!

What did the parrot say on Independence Day?

Polly wants a firecracker!

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

Why are drug addicts bad at billiards?

Because they only pay to shoot up the eight ball

Why did the farmer's wife got angry at him for paying too much attention to his equipment?

He kept looking at his hoes.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell when an idiot's depressed?

Go stand in front of a mirror

Why do American beer companies always advise that their beer should be served cold?

So you can tell it apart from urine

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?

Because they push back harder.

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the hat say to the other hat?

You stay here. I'll go on a head.

What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains?

Patty O'Furniture.

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

How do you confuse an irishman?

Lean 3 shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick.

How do you burn an Irishman ear?

Ring him while he's ironing...

St. Patrick Jokes More St. Patrick Jokes

What's the difference between mlk day and st. Patrick's day?

Everyone WANTS to be irish on st Patrick's day.

What's green and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

St Patrick Day Jokes More St Patrick Day Jokes

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

Tab Jokes More Tab Jokes

Who picks up the tab?

The German.

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.