How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why do people say that Canadians always want to establish that they're Canadian?

As a Canadian, this offends me.

Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school?

A: She wanted to be a nurse.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How does someone pay for a painting?

With Monet

What knight of the round table never paid with cash when buying something?

Sir Charge

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell a chemist from a non-chemist?

Ask them to pronounce 'unionized.'

How can you tell if a woman's picture is photoshopped?

She isn't standing in the kitchen

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

He had to get plaid.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the hat say to the other hat?

You stay here. I'll go on a head.

What did "Nock" say to "K"?

You can join us, as long as you stay quiet.

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What do you call an Irishman who slept out on the lawn all night?

Patty-OFurniture

St. Patrick Jokes More St. Patrick Jokes

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day?

St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.

St Patrick Day Jokes More St Patrick Day Jokes

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

Tab Jokes More Tab Jokes

Who picks up the tab?

The German.

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.