Scotsman Jokes

What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom?

Angus McCoatup

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

What's the difference between Mic Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mic Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud". A Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What do you call a Scotsman with gas after a dodgy curry?

Bravefart

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

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Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

x-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?

Because they push back harder.

What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

Why was the Scotsman buried on the hill?

He died.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones sing "Hey You! Get off of my cloud!" A Scotsman shouts "Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"

Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

He had to get plaid.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow "

What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

To one you say, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" The other: "Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"

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What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests?

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Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?

He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.

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Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

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Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?

Second fella says "A kilt of course!" First fella "What's the tartin " "She's wearing white" says his pal

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Why aren't Japanese optimistic?

Because not every cloud has a silver lining

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" And a Scottsman says "Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

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What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.

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What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield?

You can actually get through the minefield alive.

What's the difference between your mom and the Empire State Building?

Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building