St. Patrick Jokes

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

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What's the difference between mlk day and st. Patrick's day?

Everyone WANTS to be irish on st Patrick's day.

What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day?

St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?

Regular rocks are too heavy.

What's green and sits on the porch?

Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha?

He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together

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Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic?

Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.

What do you call an Irishman that stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

Pretend Jokes More Pretend Jokes

What do you call someone who's pretending to be from Sicily?

Amoxicillin

Why was the UKIP voter angry?

Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)

Ireland Jokes More Ireland Jokes

Why is Ireland the richest country in the world?

Because it's capital is always Dublin.

How do you unite both the Catholics and Protestants in Ireland?

By sending in millions of Muslims

Mlk Jokes More Mlk Jokes

What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common?

They all died in Tennessee

What did MLK say to the fishmonger?

I have a bream.

People Jokes More People Jokes

How do you greet people at a funeral?

Mourning, everybody!

Why won't Hillary ever pull out?

She's never finished screwing people.

Iq Jokes More Iq Jokes

What do you call a marine with an IQ of 70?

General

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?

Four guys watching a baseball game.

St Jokes More St Jokes

What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?

A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

What is the difference between a brown-noser and a s***t head?

Depth perception

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you do when you stumble upon a one-armed Polish man stuck in a tree?

You wave!

What did the robot say to the centipede?

Stop being a centipede." Get it, because the robot has no arms! Hahhahaha, gets me everytime.