Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?

Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Who are the fastest readers of all time?

9/11 victims, they went through 87 stories in 15 seconds

What did they say about the guy who woke up and jerked off on his alarm clock every day?

He always came on time.

Dump Jokes More Dump Jokes

How did Jared lose 30 pounds?

He dumped his girlfriend.

Why did Skrillex's girlfriend dump him?

Because he D-D-D-D-DROPPED THE BABY.

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What is both a fruit and a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What should you do before cooking the vegetables?

Remove the wheelchair

Bean Jokes More Bean Jokes

How does William Shakespeare make chili?

With beans? Or not with beans? That is the question.

Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?

He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.

Spill Jokes More Spill Jokes

What do you call it when you spill meth into your cake mix?

Baking Bad

Why did I spill root beer on a DNS server?

Just because ICANN.

Desk Jokes More Desk Jokes

How do you know when you're staying in a hillbilly hotel?

When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."

What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?

His desk is level