Vegetable Jokes

Vegetable soup. I apologise to those offended by my terrible joke. Have another Whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable? Getting the wheelchair into the oven

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

A fruit doesn't need a wheelchair

What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

Where do cannibals get their vegetables from?

the coma ward.

What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

Jeffrey Dahmer!

What vegetable was on the badge in the cab?

A CABBAGE!

What is both a fruit and a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea

What does a greengrocer weigh?

Vegetables.

What do vegetables watch when they're feeling frisky?

Cornography

What does a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common?

They both can be used to carry vegetables....

What do vegetables watch when they're horny?

Corn

This joke may have profanity.

Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?

Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge?

One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.

Why is Mike Pence magic?

He can turn fruits to vegetables

What is the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheelchair. sorry

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

Why did the vegetables hop into the boiling pot of water?

They were part of a stewicide pact.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What do you call a vegetable that always stays outside?

An un-in.

Why is the retirement center nicknamed "the garden"?

Because it is full of vegetables.

How many vegetables should you pull out of the ground in one day?

None

What is the worst thing about farming vegetables?

The wheelchairs are too expensive.

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

what's tomato with you !

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What's the difference between a special needs worker and a gardener?

One of them has to water their vegetables

What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party?

TURNIP

What do you do when you are done with the vegetables?

You put them back in the wheelchair

Where do geneticists store vegetables?

In the CRISPR drawer

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

What did Khloe Kardashian do for a vegetable?

Broke up with James Harden

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

How do you...?

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable Give it aids.

What turns a fruit into a vegetable?

AIDS.

What did Michael Jackson say to the Vegetables?

Just beet it

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with a vegetable?

Mrs Hawking

Who's the biggest celebrity in the Vegetable world?

Ocra Winfrey

Why were all the other vegetables afraid of celery?

because celery stalks

What do you call it when a vegetable suffers heart failure?

A hearti*choke*. ... :D

What's the best kind of vegetable to bring to a party?

A turn up

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What letter is like a vegetable?

The letter P.

What vegetable likes to party?

A turn-up

What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables."

What's the worst type of vegetable to bring on a boat?

Grandpa. :(

What should you do before cooking the vegetables?

Remove the wheelchair

What's the hardest part to cook in a vegetable ?

The wheelchair

What do you call a woman who pleasures herself with Vegetables?

Mrs Hawking

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

That's where you wash all your vegetables!

What vegetable needs a plumber?

A leek.

What did Dahmer do when he finished his vegetables?

A: He threw away their wheelchairs!

What do vegetable do when they got robbed?

They dont.

What's the hardest part of washing a vegetable?

putting them back in the wheelchair

What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ?

A common tater !

Why can't a vegetable win an argument?

Cuz he always uses a straw, man!

Why don't the Beastie Boys juggle vegetables anymore?

Because they kept making the beets... MMMMMM DROPPPPP

Why do kids hate Steven Hawking?

They don't like their vegetables.

What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends?

They Turnip

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

Why did the vegetables invite the mushroom to their party?

They heard he was a fungi

What type of vegetable is only kinda awesome?

A radish

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why can't John complete a workout?

He tried, but it didn't work out.

How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Michelle Jokes More Michelle Jokes

What did the pirate name his pet clam?

Michelle

What's Michelle's favourite vegetable?

Barackoli (I'm sorry I'll leave now...)

Soviet Jokes More Soviet Jokes

Why did the Soviets pull their missiles out?

Because they feared a premature ejectulation

Why did the Soviet union fail?

Too much Stalin'. Yeah it's bad but it made me giggle when I thought of it... :P

Offer Jokes More Offer Jokes

What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese ?

Thanks I'll just have a sliver !

What do you get if you cross a Sociologist with someone in the Mafia?

An offer you can't understand.

Wheelchair Jokes More Wheelchair Jokes

Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

What's the hardest part of cooking vegetables?

Their wheelchairs

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What is the term for a group of Canadians?

Is it "an apology" "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"

What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

A solar panel.

Apologise Jokes More Apologise Jokes

What do you call a grandma that know martial arts?

A grandmartial artist. I apologise for any lost brain cells.

What do you call a group of disabled people in a pool?

Vegetable soup. I apologise to those offended by my terrible joke. Have another Whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable? Getting the wheelchair into the oven

God Jokes More God Jokes

What's the difference between a doctor and God?

God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor.

What did God say to Noah?

Make a backup, I need to re-format this."