Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What kind of nuts go on your feet?

Cashews.

What are the cheapest kind of nuts?

Deer nuts, they're under a buck.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many Scene kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Some obscure number, you've probably never heard of it

How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter?

There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What's the difference between spit and swallow?

A firm grip on the back of her head.

What has long ears four legs and is worn on your head?

An Easter bunnet!

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?

It saves so much time.

What do you call a God unfit for the times at hand?

O Cristor Redundant

Bolt Jokes More Bolt Jokes

What do robots do on a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What did Larry McMurtry say when his neighbor asked to borrow a bar of soap?

He said "Sure! I could loan some Dove".

How do you make the hippie run out of money?

You hide daddies credit card under a bar of soap.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How do you get your girlfriend to fart?

Pull out

What's the trick to satisfying your wife or girlfriend with only 3.5 inches?

Visa or Mastercard?

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?

A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

What do you call a communist hip-hop musician?

MC Hammer and Sickle.