Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Bolt Jokes More Bolt Jokes

What does a mechanic do for a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

What does a hardware salesman do on a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How's the business?

2) Do you have a girlfriend 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator

What does an illustrator say to his girlfriend on Valentine ?

I'm font of you.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

Why does the nudist always go to bed early?

Because he never sleeps in much!

Why is China so politically in bed with Africa?

Because China is the biggest coal burner in the world

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What does a mechanic do during a 1 night stand?

He screws, nuts, and bolts

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?

Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

Why did Oscar Pistorius lose his court case?

He hadn't got a leg to stand on.

What do you call a ginger bread man wit one leg?

A. Limp biskit

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

How do you install "blackout curtains"?

They just get hammered.

Why did the masochist STOP hitting himself on the head with a hammer ?

Because it hurt.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why won't the holocaust survivor vote for Bernie Sanders?

He doesn't want to feel the Bern.

What does heroin make you feel like?

More heroin.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What does a retired hairdresser and a bar of platinum have in common?

They both plat no more.

What do you call a bar in Star Wars?

A space bar.