Harvard Jokes

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him.

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How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?

Tip him for the pizza.

How do you know that someone you met is a Harvard graduate?

He already told you so.

What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard?

Figuring out what to tell you about first.

How do you know someone went to Harvard?

They tell you.

What do Harvard and a virgin have in common?

You try so hard to get in but 9 months later you regret you ever came.

How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?

They'll tell you.

What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common?

They both got accepted to Yale.

What do all Yale and Harvard students have in common?

They got into Yale.

What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use?

AAA

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How do you get a Harvard Graduate off your porch?

You pay him for the pizza.

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Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What happened when the cow tried to milk itself?

It was an udder catastrophe.

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?

He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

Revolve Jokes More Revolve Jokes

How many people from Quebec does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One: He holds the bulb and the rest of Canada revolves around him.

How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to hold the lightbulb, and the rest of the world to revolve around them

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

one is plastic and dangerous for your kids to play with, the other holds your groceries

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.

How many startup CEOs does it take to change a light bulb?

Change a light bulb Pfft! We are game changers.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why do clairvoyants have crystal balls?

So they can see what's coming.

Why didn't the piece of paper move out of the way when a car came speeding towards it?

Because it was stationary.

Graduate Jokes More Graduate Jokes

Who is a Graduate student's least favorite Greek Hero?

Thesus

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

Tip Jokes More Tip Jokes

Why do waiters like a good Marth player?

He tips well.

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?

Tip him for the pizza.

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What did Water say to Fire when they met for the first time?

Shhhhhhh.

What club cancels their meeting everytime?

The vegan club