Install Jokes

What do Microsoft updates and Brock Turner have in common?

They install at night, while you are asleep, without consent.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How do you install "blackout curtains"?

They just get hammered.

Why does the French Army install Rear-view mirrors in their Tanks?

So that they can see the battle.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

What's the first thing you install on a new computer?

The operating system

Why did the tree install solar panels?

It wanted to be a power plant.

Why don't men install urinals in their houses?

Their wives just wouldn't stand for it :)

Why do Mexicans always install those tiny steering wheels in their cars?

So they can drive with the handcuffs on.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years

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Floor Jokes More Floor Jokes

What did the spilled noodles say to the sauce pan?

I'm floored!

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What do you call a tree that lost its family in a forrest fire?

Mourning wood

Why does lightning always strike trees?

They are the path of leaf resistance.

Scientist Jokes More Scientist Jokes

Why did the scientist get punched in the restaurant?

He ordered some NaCl.

How did the scientist like his guacamole?

With lots of Avogadro!

Tongue Jokes More Tongue Jokes

What do you call a paralyzed clown with his tongue cut out?

BEST MIME EVER!

What has a tongue, cannot walk, but gets around a lot?

Steven Hawking

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

What's black, white, asian, and mexican?

A lazy panda.

What do you call 4 Mexicans trying to cross a river?

Quatro-cinco

Lesbian Jokes More Lesbian Jokes

What do you call a lesbian with long finger nails?

Single*.

What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

Hey! We really DO taste like chicken!

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What does the 'H' in Jesus 'H' Christ stand for?

Haploid

What type of people can you not stand?

People in wheelchairs

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

Why did the orange go to the doctor?

Because she wasn't peeling very well... All credit to my 8 yo son who suggested I post it here

How many people does it take to make a joke on /r/Jokes?

Three. One to post it, one to make a better punchline in the comments, and one to repost it the next day.