Newborn Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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Captain Jokes More Captain Jokes

What's in the toilet of the Star Ship enterprise?

The captains log

What do you call a boat whose captain has no idea what he's doing and works for free?

The Internship

Fisherman Jokes More Fisherman Jokes

What did the fisherman from Boston say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

What's the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?

A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.

Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

Why did the midget get kicked out of the putt putt course?

because he wanted to play minijerkoff.

How do you call it when a girl kicks a boy in the groin during the first date?

Premature emasculation.

Football Jokes More Football Jokes

Why is Cinderella so bad at football?

A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

Whats an Italians favourite part of football?

Half time, they get to switch sides again

Describe Jokes More Describe Jokes

How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?

Doesn't follow instructions very well.

How do you describe a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

Empire State Building Jokes More Empire State Building Jokes

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

Why did King Kong.... Climb the Empire State Building?

He couldn't fit in the elevator.

Theirs Jokes More Theirs Jokes

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

How do you know if an introvert likes you when you're talking to them?

They'll stare at your shoes instead of theirs.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did Steve fall off the swing?

Because he was a potato!

What do you call a guy who plays Fallout?

A Fall Out Boy.