Captain Jokes

Why was the Bhut Jolokia picked to be the captain of the cheer squad?

Because it was the hottest pepper.

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What's the difference between a captain and a lt.col ?

A major difference.

What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?

The Captains log

What will you find in the toilet of a ship?

The captains log.

What's in the toilet of the Star Ship enterprise?

The captains log

How does captain hook cook pita bread?

With a pita pan.

How did the captain describe the newborn puppy?

son-of-a-b***h..!!!

Why didn't the sailors play cards on the deck?

Because the captain was sitting on the top of the deck.

What do you call a boat whose captain has no idea what he's doing and works for free?

The Internship

What did the captain say to the men before they got on the boat?

Men, get on the boat."

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Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise?

Because the captain stood on the deck.

How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp?

Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.

What did captain Kirk do in the head?

He Shatner.

What is the captain of the starship enterprise's favorite drink?

Picardi and coke

When fish play football who is the captain ?

The team's kipper !

Why did the captain execute the pastry chef?

Because his orders were to shoot all desserters.

Why couldn't the sailors play cards?

Because the Captain was stood on the deck!

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

What did the captain of the alien mouse spaceship say when he met his first earth mouse?

Take me to your Liederkranz.

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Why did raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming "LIE TO ME"!

What's Irish and sits on your lawn?

paddy o' furniture

Ship Jokes More Ship Jokes

What's a sea serpent's favourite meal?

Fish and ships!

Why are so many Italian men named Tony?

When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

the cow didn't make it.

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

Why can't Pirates spell the alfhabet?

RRRRRRRRRRRRRgh

Why did the pirate with the eye patch drown?

Because he had no depth perception.

Captain America Shield Jokes More Captain America Shield Jokes

Why does Black Widow love sitting on Captain America's shield?

Because it's made out of vibranium.

What's Captain America's shield made out of?

What's Captain America's shield made of Vibranium. What's Hawkeye's shield made of Quicksilver.

Uss Enterprise Jokes More Uss Enterprise Jokes

What does the captain of the USS Enterprise do for exercise?

Jean-Luc Picardio

What happened when the USS Enterprise got a new toilet?

William Shatner

Captain Cook Jokes More Captain Cook Jokes

What did Captain Cook say to his men just before they got back in the ship?

Get back in the ship, men!"

What did Captain Cook say to his men before they got on the ship?

Let's get on the ship, men!

Log Jokes More Log Jokes

What does Imperator Furiosa like to click when she logs into a website?

REMEMBER ME!!!!!!!!!!

How does a tree access the internet?

It logs on.