Roast Jokes

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

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What's the water polo team's favorite song?

Smoke on the Water, because they are always getting roasted. :3

Why is the peanut crying?

Because he couldn't handle his roast

Why shouldn't you put a baby in the microwave?

Because you get better results from slowly roasting it in the oven.

What did Santa say when he had to travel through the desert?

My chestnuts are roasting"

What do you call making jokes of a chicken on fire?

Roasting a chicken.

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Inside Jokes More Inside Jokes

What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

In the case of the bmw, the pricks are on the inside.

What's white on the outside and black on the inside?

An American police officer.

Laugh Jokes More Laugh Jokes

How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich?

Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed.

What do you call a peanut with a cold?

Cashew! she was so proud of herself for making me laugh with this one.

Jail Jokes More Jail Jokes

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

What do you call a midget psychic that broke out of jail?

A small medium at large

Outside Jokes More Outside Jokes

What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common?

They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.

What do you call the outside of a hand gren-egg ?

The bombshell !

Time Bomb Jokes More Time Bomb Jokes

What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb?

If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner.

What really ticks people off?

Time bombs.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What kind of jokes do farmers tell?

CORNY JOKES!!!

What's black and white and can't turn around in a corridor?

A nun with a javelin in her throat. (The only joke I can ever recall when asked for one. Told to me by my art teacher in Grade 11. Needless to say, he was my favourite teacher)

Good Friend Jokes More Good Friend Jokes

Why should a man never bang his best friend?

He'll probably catch fleas

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

Differentiate Jokes More Differentiate Jokes

What do you call an invalidation of someone's argument because they cannot differentiate between their and they're?

ad homonym

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted