Teddy Bear Jokes

Why did the teddy bear leave the restaurant?

He was stuffed.

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What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ?

A teddy boar !

What do teddy bears like to have in their houses?

A: Fur-niture.

Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert?

Cus they are always stuffed.

What did the teddy bear say after dinner?

I'm stuffed."

What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert?

A: No thanks, I'm stuffed.

How do you hire a teddy bear?

Put him on stilts !

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How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?

Waiter: Well you know how slow turtles are.

What do you call someone who keeps trying the same thing again and again, yet expects different results?

A weapons designer for the First Order.

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What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

It's "popcorn"! What were you thinking?!

How do I stay humble?

Well, it's not easy, but I start by being generally bad at almost all things.

Stuff Jokes More Stuff Jokes

How is working in I.T. like being a wizard?

You command vast powers beyond the scope of smaller minds, but to them all you do is wiggle your fingers and stuff just happens.

What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer?

A full bull!

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What's a teddy bears favourite pasta ?

Tagliateddy !

What's a polar bears favourite pasta?

Penguini!

House Jokes More House Jokes

What did the cholo say when two houses fell on him?

Get off me, homes!" My brother heard this on Tosh.

When is paint free?

When it's on the house.

Restaurant Jokes More Restaurant Jokes

Why do I have to say please when I ask for a sandwich at a restaurant?

They don't say please when I'm paying. They say, "That'll be $5". I should be able to say, "That'll be a sandwich."

Why did the soccer player have to ask for a bib at the restaurant?

Because he was Messi

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

What's hard and pink?

A pig with a flick knife.

Where do pigs park their cars?

In porking lots.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the mud, and crossed the road again?

Because he was a dirty double-crosser!

What do you get if you cross a Phyllis with a Christine?

A Philistine with two mommies ...