How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call a man with one arm?

Hand Solo

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Why can't I have coffee?

Me: It'll make u even more energetic than u already are 7: But u drink it all the time& u never have energy!

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Why shouldn't happy people hang out with crustaceans?

They get crabby! Badum tsss.

Why didn't blacks in 1850 give high-fives?

Because everyone always left them hanging!

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

Why couldn't the taxidermist finish anything he started?

Because he kept getting side tracked by pet projects

Why don't Germans compete in marathons?

They have a sad history of not finishing off races.

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What did the cannibal do to the people he didn't like?

He drowned them in the morning.

Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?

Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise Oh, right, *of course* !"

Tie Jokes More Tie Jokes

Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes?

I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.

How did Adolf tie his shoes?

With two knotzies.

Iv Jokes More Iv Jokes

What's the difference between a chic pea and a garbanzo bean?

Iv never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water?

She was taking god's name in vein.

Fine Jokes More Fine Jokes

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?

He was caught poaching.

Why is the second traffic citation always easier to read?

Because it's re-fined!