How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call a mentally ill person without arms and legs?

Call him whatever you want, its not like he's gonna get up and do anything about it.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

What kind of coffee do the Islamists hate the most ?

French press

When does a lawyer make coffee?

When he has sufficient grounds

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What's the difference between a dead baby and mistletoe?

I don't hang mistletoe at Christmas time

What was the last thing Robin Williams said to his wife?

You go on to bed, I'm just going to hang here a while.

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

Why can't Charlie Sheen finish the alphabet?

Because when he gets to 'P' it burns.

What is the difference between complete and finished?

If you find the right woman, you're complete.

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What did the fire say the morning of his birthday?

I'm stoked!

Why doesn't anyone in insert nations capital use the toilet in the morning?

So they have something to do at night.

Tie Jokes More Tie Jokes

What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up?

Sorry to take so much of your valuable time.

How do Germans tie their shoelaces?

In little knotsies....

Iv Jokes More Iv Jokes

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

Why do I always sit in the back of an airplane?

Cos iv never heard of an airplane reverse into a mountain... ill help myself out...

Fine Jokes More Fine Jokes

What happens if a pig parks illegally?

A: It oink-urs a fine.

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?

He was stopped for speeding fined $50 and dismantled for six months.