When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did my roommate say when I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie The usual Suspects?

Is it about black people

Why are librarians so lonely?

They're always by them shelves Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When someone ask me... How are you?

I answer back... You mean in bed

Why isn't there golf in the Paralympics?

Because it would be really awkward asking what their handicap was.

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

What did the failing kidney say to the healthy one?

Urine charge now.

Why can't an egg ever be in charge?

Because they crack under pressure.

Order Jokes More Order Jokes

Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet?

He thought the ad said '24 carrots'

When she read the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?

I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."

Salad Jokes More Salad Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

What did the salad wearing a tuxedo say?

I feel a bit overdressed."

Toss Jokes More Toss Jokes

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

How do you make a cat go "woof"?

Douse it with petrol and toss a lit match. WOOF!

Soup Jokes More Soup Jokes

What soup weighs the most?

Wanton soup. I'll leave now.

Why'd the hipster burn his mouth?

He had his soup before it was cool.

Frown Jokes More Frown Jokes

Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings?

Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats.

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

Waitress Jokes More Waitress Jokes

How much is a soft drink ?

Waitress: Fifty cents. Girl: How much is refill Waitress: The first is free. Girl: Well then I'll have a refill.

What's the difference between a waitress and your mom?

A waitress leaves me alone after I give her the tip.