2x4 Jokes

What do Jesus and Muhammad have in common?

They both nailed a 2x4.

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What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

mourning wood

What was the allergic 2"X4"'s terrifying hallucination?

He sawdust.

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Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

They've only gotta invite one family

What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza?

The extra large pizza can feed a family of four.

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

How do you stop a baby from crawling round in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

Why doesn't Jesus Play Hockey???

Because he doesn't want to be nailed to the boards.

Mourn Jokes More Mourn Jokes

What did the necrophiliac get after his wife died?

Mourning wood.

What happens when a necrophiliac goes to a funeral?

He gets mourning wood.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was actually Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam."

Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus?

Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

What do you call a nun lost in the woods?

A Roamin Catholic.

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

Muhammad Jokes More Muhammad Jokes

Why was Muhammad a successful merchant?

Because he was god's profit.

What did the imam say to Betere when he disrespected Muhammad praise be his name?

Ah jihad to Betere. Ah you had to be there

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

How did Pinocchio realize he was made of wood?

His hand caught on fire.

Why the sad face?

asks the bartender. "I got fired."

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker?

They have to take ACE inhibitors.

Who loses?

America.