Drunk Jokes

What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

an innocent bystumbler

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call a dissection performed by drunks?

An Autipsy.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

A drunk drives right through a stop sign, a stoner waits for it to turn green.

Which has less drunks: an Irish wedding or an Irish funeral?

An Irish funeral has one less drunk.

How many drunks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. He holds the bulb and the room spins.

What are you gonna be for halloween?

Me: Drunk!

You might also enjoy:

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why did Nixon never drive on the highway?

Because he always took the low road.

Who's driving?

Immigration.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What is Christopher Reeves' favorite band?

The Talking Heads

What about yours?

Me:I wouldn't know... I don't talk to him about you...

Irish Wedding Jokes More Irish Wedding Jokes

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One person.

What's the difference between an Irish Funeral and an Irish Wedding?

One less drunk person.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What did the giant wave say to the man?

Nothing he just waved. Sea what I did there? Sorry sometimes I get a bit carried away, it like a tsunami of puns. Water these puns! they're horrible, I'll stop now.

What do you call a fox that can't stop shaking?

Michael

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?

A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.

Why did i buy a black phone?

So it would run faster!!

Door Jokes More Door Jokes

Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ?

The girl necks door.

How do you put elephant in the fridge?

Answer is open the door and just put the elephant in the fridge.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why does the Empire use Apple?

Because they couldn't find the droid they were looking for

What kind of bug do you find on a long car ride?

An I-shoulda-pede.

Meet Jokes More Meet Jokes

What did the armless warrior say to his opponent before battle?

You're about to meet da-feet!

What's the best part of having Alzheimer's?

You get to meet new people everyday!