Favor Jokes

What did the large furry mammal say when the salamander who kept asking for favors went too far?

I can't bear it! You axolotl of me this time!

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How can working with cow hide act in your favor on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Why do Republicans favor small government?

To bitter fit in my uterus.

What did Jennifer Lawrence say to Julius Caesar?

May the Ides be ever in your favor."

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Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What did the Challenger Austronaut day to his wife before he left?

You feed the kids, I'll feed the fishes."

What is the most expensive type of fish?

A goldfish! I am not sorry.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

How dare you complain about your life?

Someone's mom is Snooki.

How is life in North Korea?

I wrote to my North Korean pen pal "I can't complain" he wrote back.

Julius Caesar Jokes More Julius Caesar Jokes

What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate?

Ecru, Brute "

What did Julius Caesar say after taking Cleopatra's virginity?

Veni, Vidi... Veni.

Republican Jokes More Republican Jokes

How do you hide money from a Republican?

Hide it in a science book.

What do you call a republican fashion director?

Clothed minded

Uterus Jokes More Uterus Jokes

How's my baby girl?

Me: I'm moving back in. Mom: Your room is ready. Me: No, your uterus! Mom: Steph you drink too much

Why do Republicans favor small government?

To bitter fit in my uterus.

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

What's the best thing about dating a homeless chick?

You can drop her off anywhere!

Why are informaticians always confusing the dates of christmas and halloween?

Because OCT 31 is the same as DEC 25.

Isil Jokes More Isil Jokes

Who is ISIL's favorite Star Wars character?

ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR!

How does ISIL prefer their eggs?

Sunni side up at first. But they always end up scrambled.

Sway Jokes More Sway Jokes

What do you do when your mother-in-law is swaying towards you?

You pull the trigger again.

How can working with cow hide help on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.