Johnson Jokes

What is the best thing about Dwane "the rock" Johnson's physique?

Nobody takes him for granite.

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Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book?

They all have phones.

What did Masters say to Johnson?

I don't know what the worlds coming to

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Everybody Jokes More Everybody Jokes

Why was everybody too afraid to go to the barber?

He committed barbercide.

Which teachers make pupils feel good about themselves?

Maths teachers, they make everybody count.

Dwayne Jokes More Dwayne Jokes

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad?

Everyone takes him for granite.

Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why do women have legs for?

To not leave a snail trail behind them.

What does a tickle me Elmo get before it leaves the factory?

Two test tickles

System Jokes More System Jokes

How fast can you hack into the system!?

20-25 minutes." "You've got 10 minutes!" "Okay, well then I can't." - real life spy dialogues

What do you call the system of honour of French horses?

Chevalry

Sneeze Jokes More Sneeze Jokes

Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?

To catch her false teeth.

What would you name someone who can predict when people sneeze?

Nostrildamus

Room Jokes More Room Jokes

Why is it called a living room?

Don't we live in every room

What do you call Jimmy Savile walking down the street?

British ... a paedestrian... *grabs coat, shuffles out of room in silent shame*

Phone Book Jokes More Phone Book Jokes

What do phone books and women have in common?

They both couldn't vote before 1920

Why dont they use phone books in China?

Because they have so many Wing's and Wong's That they might Wing the Wong Numba!!!

Tiger Woods Jokes More Tiger Woods Jokes

Why did Tiger Woods get divorced?

Because Tiger was a lion cheetah!

What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?

With Santa it is only three hoes and he's done.