Speech Jokes

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.

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What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech? Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

What do you call an Italian with one arm?

Speech impaired.

How do you convey body language?

With your figure of speech

Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

Why was the schwa bad at giving speeches?

He said "uhh" way too much.

What does E.T. stand for?

Freedom of speech

Why is Reddit the best place for freedom of speech?

removed

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Impair Jokes More Impair Jokes

What do you call a group of dead, visually impaired people?

Horizontal blinds.

What do you call an Italian with one arm?

Speech impaired.

Language Jokes More Language Jokes

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages? A: Bilingual Q: What do you call someone who speaks three or more languages? A: Multilingual Q: What do you call someone who speaks one language? A: American

What language do UPS men at Hogwarts speak?

Parcel-tongue

Forget Jokes More Forget Jokes

What do you get when you drop a piano in a coal mine?

A flat minor. Night... Don't forget to tip your waitress

How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique?

It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"

Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly?

Cause they would quack up.

Whisk Jokes More Whisk Jokes

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

Whoa, what's with all the whisks?

Sir-Mix-a-Lot: Why you judgin me

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

What do you call an Italian with one arm?

Speech impaired.

Kleptomaniac Jokes More Kleptomaniac Jokes

Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac?

Because they take things literally.

What do you call someone who takes things literally?

A kleptomaniac!