Speech Jokes

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.

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What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech? Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

What do you call an Italian with one arm?

Speech impaired.

How do you convey body language?

With your figure of speech

Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

Why was the schwa bad at giving speeches?

He said "uhh" way too much.

What does E.T. stand for?

Freedom of speech

Why is Reddit the best place for freedom of speech?

removed

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Audience Jokes More Audience Jokes

How did I know my joke was not alright with my audience?

They all left.

When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."?

No one should be that happy.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What is the biggest similarity between the average Redditor and a lumberjack?

They both sleep all night and whack all day!

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?

Because then the children have to play inside.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

Why does the Asian News Anchor not stand up from behind his desk during presidential races?

because he's covering an erection!

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

Speech Impediment Jokes More Speech Impediment Jokes

How is a speech impediment like a box of chocolates?

It doesn't really matter, as long as it has good cocoa content.

What do you call an Italian guy with one arm shorter than the other?

A Speech Impediment :)

Line Jokes More Line Jokes

Why was the illegal immigrant so offensive?

Because he crossed the line

What do cows like to line dance to ?

Any kind of moosic you like !

British Jokes More British Jokes

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

I feel positively charged!

Language Jokes More Language Jokes

What language do UPS men at Hogwarts speak?

Parcel-tongue

What language do eagles program in?

C#(https://np.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3tp03o/incanadawehavesomenicefalcons/cx8608n)

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did Muhammad Ali tell ISIS?

IsIs Pretty soon y'all gonna be WasWas !

How do you tell the difference between a terrorist and a tenured professor?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.