Vend Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Gym Jokes More Gym Jokes

What gym did Socrates go to?

The Y.

What do you call a posh Gym?

James

Rapper Jokes More Rapper Jokes

Which rapper would you rather bring back from the dead?

Tupac - Biggie Smalls - Eazy E - Meek Mills

Why couldn't Bach be a rapper?

Because he's Baroque.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why didn't they use Black Phosphorous?

It doesn't work.

How is it May already?

Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.

Quarter Jokes More Quarter Jokes

What is McDonald's demolition service called?

Quarter pounder.

What goes into the mouth of a quarter horse?

Two bits!

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do you call a drill on the North Pole that just wants to get to know people?

An icebreaker

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

Agree Jokes More Agree Jokes

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

Cancel Jokes More Cancel Jokes

What do you call an aborted Czechoslovakian?

A cancelled Chzeck.

Why was the poker game at the zoo cancelled?

Some believed that there was a cheetah among them.

Monica Lewinsky Jokes More Monica Lewinsky Jokes

What's white, located in washington and has a president within it?

Monica Lewinsky's teeth.

What is the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

1 US Leader.