Agree Jokes

Why does everyone agree when you judge someone's voice?

Because you make sound judgement.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

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What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service."

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

What do terrorists and the American government have in common?

They both blow up people who don't agree with them.

What would happen if the Illuminati and Half-Life 3 agreed with each other?

Illuminati and Half-Life 3 conformed.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

What do 9 out of 10 people agree on?

A gangbang

This joke may have profanity.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Coffee Mug

What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure?

You're such a Frank Castle."

What did the nudist criminal say when he agreed to a criminal plan?

I'm in, but I'm not decent."

Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?

We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.

When do men insist that women are illogical?

When a woman doesn't agree with them.

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

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Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

What do you call an atheist in a six foot pine box?

All dressed up, with no place to go.

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

Terrorist Jokes More Terrorist Jokes

What should have tipped off the airline ticket sellers on 9/11?

When the terrorists asked for anything cheaper than one-way.

Why are terrorists so mean?

Because they don't like Nice people.

Vend Jokes More Vend Jokes

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What language do pirates speak?

Arrrrrrabic! A friend and I were extremely high and he thought of this.Good times.

What is Blackbeard and Captain Hooks favorite workout routine?

Pirates.

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?

A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.

How can that help in this job?

You do the math"

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

How did Caitlyn Jenner and Kanye West settle an argument?

They went outside and exchanged blows.

Why did the angry skeptic keep ignoring official reports about the eventual release of Half-Life 3?

He was blowing off Steam

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus?

Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)

How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ?

4. Prophet.

English Jokes More English Jokes

What's the difference between a teabag and the English rugby team?

A teabag stays in the cup longer...

Whatchya thinking about?

Me: *Thinking about how dogs understand more English words than I understand dog words* Science stuff.