Agree Jokes

Why does everyone agree when you judge someone's voice?

Because you make sound judgement.

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What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service."

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

What do terrorists and the American government have in common?

They both blow up people who don't agree with them.

What would happen if the Illuminati and Half-Life 3 agreed with each other?

Illuminati and Half-Life 3 conformed.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

What do 9 out of 10 people agree on?

A gangbang

This joke may have profanity.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

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What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure?

You're such a Frank Castle."

What did the nudist criminal say when he agreed to a criminal plan?

I'm in, but I'm not decent."

Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?

We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.

When do men insist that women are illogical?

When a woman doesn't agree with them.

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

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Help Jokes More Help Jokes

How can you help a starving cannibal?

Give them a hand !

What did the hammer announce over the intercom to the evacuating screws screaming for help?

This is not a drill!"

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you wear radioactive Russian underpants?

Cher nob'll fall out.

Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin ?

There was some money in the kitty !

Term Jokes More Term Jokes

What is another term for ob gyn?

A Klingon! since obstetrician gynaecologist is too long, and OB GYN doesn't make sense ,lets call them Klingons

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?

I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

People Jokes More People Jokes

How many people work at your company?

About half of them.

Why don't black people like pirates?

they pronounce everything with a hard "aargh"

Aye Phone Jokes More Aye Phone Jokes

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

A: an AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

Universe Jokes More Universe Jokes

Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?

Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.

Why does the universe expand?

All the Milky Ways. You get it.

Cancel Jokes More Cancel Jokes

What club cancels their meeting everytime?

The vegan club

What do people in Prague call abortions?

Canceled Czechs

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."

What color eyes did Kurt Cobain have?

Blue - One blew this way and one blew that way