Terrorist Jokes

What do you call it when two terrorists are horsing around on the radio?

Talibanter

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What do you call a terrorist on vacation?

Aloha ackbar

Where did the terrorist go after the explosion?

Everywhere..

What do you call a terrorist on the moon?

A problem. What do you call when 3 terrorists are on the moon? A problem. What do you call when all the terrorists are on the moon? A solution.

Whats the difference between a terrorist and a woman with PMS?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a terrorist and a feminist?

The terrorist needs a trigger to blow things up.

What Do You Call A Group Of Terrorists That Love to Smoke Weed?

HIGH-SIS

What do you call a party thrown by a Terrorist at a bar on a hot day in Hawaii?

A-lou-AK-bar.

Why can't a terrorist tell a joke?

They always bomb the punchline!

Why do terrorists hate wine?

Because there are too many zinfandel's.

Why are terrorists so mean?

Because they don't like Nice people.

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What do you call a terrorist with cancer?

A free radical.

What does a terrorist tell hes son?

Aim to the sky, maybe you'll shoot a plane.

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

Terrorists blow them selves up at camp on accident

What does a terrorist and a soccer player have in common?

Mossack Fonseca.

What do you call a terrorist from Paris?

A Paririst

What did the terrorist say to the racist and the socialist?

We are the 2016 presidential candidate frontrunners. This is a joke take it that way

What do you call it when you lobotomize a bunch of terrorists?

Simplifiying Radicals. (MATH joke)

What did the terrorist send in the mail?

A CAIR package.

Why did the terrorists have to blow up a Paris nightclub?

Because their planes kept missing the Eiffel Tower.

When do terrorists go to bed?

9:11 PM

What do terrorists and the American government have in common?

They both blow up people who don't agree with them.

What do you call a terrorist who's always late?

9/12

Where do terrorists go to have a drink?

Allahuak Bar

What's the difference between a refugee and a terrorist?

I don't know. I just build the fence.

Whats the difference from a terrorist and a psychopath?

A llahu akbar

What was the terrorist's pick up line?

hey babe, I've got a large pipe bomb and I never pre-maturely detonate."

Why US didn't attack India, after twin-tower incident, looking for terrorists ?

Because it didn't happen in 7/11

Why did the WTC get hit by Terrorist?

They didn't get hit by Terrorists.

Why do terrorist use Nokia phones?

so they can reuse the phone after the explosion

What did the terrorist say to the waiter after his meal?

These hot wings have made me a ticking time bomb."

Why did the terrorist blow up the playground?

He was a suislide bomber!

What do you call a terrorist holding an AK47 to your head?

Sir.

What kind of coffee do terrorists hate?

French press. (Too soon?)

What do you call playful insults between terrorists?

Talibanter

What did terrorists say in Paris?

Charlie has been neutralised"

What do you call terrorists who have degrees in material science and electromagnetic theory?

HysterISIS

What's the difference between terrorists and tourists?

Terrorists have sympathizers.

What did terrorists used to call Fidel Castro?

Infidel Castro

How many terrorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

none, they blew it up already.

How do you spot a terrorist?

They'll freak out when they hear a helicopter

What should have tipped off the airline ticket sellers on 9/11?

When the terrorists asked for anything cheaper than one-way.

Where do terrorists store their money?

In the West Bank

What's the difference between a terrorist and a civilian?

I don't know man, I just fly the drones.

What is your secret weapon against terrorists?

We simply reply......Chuck Norris

Why is it I cant get a mobile reception in my house in town, yet a terrorist can upload his vids from a cave in Afganistan?

Is there a terrorist mobile tariff I can go on

What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists?

Simplifying Radicals. Yes, she's a math teacher.

What do you call a terrorist in the North Pole?

An ISISicle!

What do you call a terrorist with eight legs?

An Iraqnid.

What kind of back problem did the terrorist have?

Scoli-isis

What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist?

The Marine shrugged and replied, "Recoil."

What did the terrorist say when he woke up?

It was Allah dream.

What is a terrorist his favourite car?

A Citroen C4

What happened when the joke about terrorists got to the front page?

It blew up

What does a terrorist in Antarctica say?

Allahu Akburrrrrr

What does a terrorist and a cue ball have in common?

The harder you hit them the more english you get.

What do you call a chat site for terrorists?

Allahu Chatbar.

Why do terrorists hate air planes made of water?

Because they hate waterboarding.

What do terrorists and the England football team have in common?

They will never win

What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye?

Him: I give up Me: A terrorst

Why did the terrorist go to Sonic?

To have a Blast!

What did the terrorists say after blowing himself up before getting to his destination?

Too soon

What do horny terrorists in airplanes do?

High jack.

This joke may have profanity.

Where do terrorists go for a drink?

The Allahu Ak-Bar.

Why do terrorists in Antarctica love being interrogated?

Snow boarding is fun as hell.

Why are terrorists eco-friendly?

They're biodegradable.

Where do midget terrorists live?

Halfghanistan.

Why did the terrorist cross the road?

To send people to the other side.

Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart?

They prefer a Target.

How did the terrorist get into Czechoslovakia?

They didn't czech his papers.

Why did the terrorist buy himself a Porsche?

He was going through a midlife ISIS :(

What did the terrorist say to the police before he blew up the building?

C4 yourself!

Where do terrorists like to go for a drink?

The Allahu Ak Bar

What do terrorists say to their sister?

H'Isis

What did terrorist say to my friend Jack?

Hi Jack!

What did the terrorist say about his popular reddit post?

I didn't expect this to blow up like it did!*

How do terrorists like their apple pie?

Allah mode.

Where do terrorists go when they're on the run?

Apparently, they go everywhere.

What kind of buildings do terrorists have on their farms?

Allahu akbarns (I'm going to hell)

What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?

A: Terrorists have sympathizers.

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What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?

You can actually negotiate with a terrorist.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb?

One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.

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What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

What's the difference between a tribe of wild hunting pygmies and a Women's roller derby team?

The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

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How to be Like Jesus 1. Be a carpenter. 2. Be a nice guy. 3. ?

4. Prophet.

What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.

Upload Jokes More Upload Jokes

What do you call a grandpa who couldn't understand why his email wanted to upload his attachment to share it?

An old man yelling at the cloud

Why is it I cant get a mobile reception in my house in town, yet a terrorist can upload his vids from a cave in Afganistan?

Is there a terrorist mobile tariff I can go on

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

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Why is the moon so bright?

Me: "It's not, it's pretty dim actually." Moon: "I heard that."

Who's there ! Biro ! Biro who ?

Biro light of the moon !

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What is the difference between a woman who is PMSing and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

How many PMSing women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six. Why? It just does! OKAY!

Town Jokes More Town Jokes

How'd ya get that?

asked the bartender. "From my husband," she replied. "But I thought he was out of town " he asked. "So did I!" she said.

Where is the best place in town to buy marijuana?

High Street, of course.