Carve Jokes

Why did I carve a heart with me and my boyfriends initials into a tree?

To sharpen the knife

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What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

How do you get 27 kids to carve a statue?

A: Have everybody chip in.

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?

They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

How do you start a stampede in Ethiopia?

Carve a turkey

What's brown and white and flies all over?

Thanksgiving turkey when you carve it with a chain saw!

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Good Way Jokes More Good Way Jokes

What's the best way?

I said "A big knife" She laughed and said "You're funny" I said "wise choice"

What's the best way to ward off ghosts?

To which I replied: "a camera."

Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

What's the difference between sandpaper and a baby?

The sandpaper doesn't scream when I rub it's face on wood.

How far can you run into the woods?

Halfway, any further and you're running out.

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

Why do witches go commando when riding around on their brooms?

Better grip. Happy Halloween :)

Why do computer programmers confuse Christmas with Halloween?

Because Dec 25 = Oct 31

Boyfriend Jokes More Boyfriend Jokes

Why is it so difficult for women to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking?

All of those guys already have boyfriends.

Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex?

Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.

Thanksgive Turkey Jokes More Thanksgive Turkey Jokes

What's brown and white and flies all over?

Thanksgiving turkey when you carve it with a chain saw!

How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey?

Nuked

Bob Jokes More Bob Jokes

What do you call a limbless swimmer?

Bob.

What do you call... ...a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

Thanksgive Jokes More Thanksgive Jokes

What did the hipster say the day after thanksgiving?

I liked the leftovers before they were cool.

What did the hoodrats have for thanksgiving dinner?

Twerkey

Ethiopia Jokes More Ethiopia Jokes

Where is the world's fastest chicken from?

A: Ethiopia!

What caused the civil war in Ethiopia?

Too many Negus.