Knife Jokes

How many Gordon Ramseys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, he lets the knives do the work

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What did the knife say to the potato?

Now I've got to cut you.

What's the different between a knife and a feminist?

A knife has a point

Why did I carve a heart with me and my boyfriends initials into a tree?

To sharpen the knife

What is the best way to cut a mango?

With a knife!

What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?

What is another name for a knife?

A chopstick!

Why are nuns like a brand new TV?

You need a knife to get in the box.

Whats the fastest way to a women's heart?

A Knife

Why did the chicken cross the road with a knife?

Because it saw Lena Dunham on the other side.

Why does a redneck hold a knife while driving?

So he can cut corners.

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What did the knife say to the pretty lady?

Nothing, she knew what was coming...

What the quickest way to a mans heart?

Though his chest with a knife

What did the cake say to the knife?

You want a piece of me !

What's with the knives?

Wait, stop. Please stop!" - pumpkin

What's the most useless thing about a knife?

The 'K'

How do you separate two blind people fighting?

You just simply shout: "I'm supporting the one with the knife!"

Why should you always carry a knife around?

Because sharp wits won't always give you the edge.

Why was the cutting board?

The knife was really dull

What's the fastest way to get to a woman's heart?

A knife.

What do you call the science of knives?

Cutting edge technology.

What makes you think this is steak?

While I stroked his thigh with a knife.

How'd you know?

P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good

Why did the knife quit?

It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! Skip

What do you call a salad that's been cut with a knife?

Ceasar

What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend?

The knife has a point.

Why does a Belgian have a knife in his car?

To cut the corners!

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

Why do you carry a knife?

Me: A sword is harder to hide.

What's 7 inches and makes women submissive?

A knife.

Why did the two knives go to the dance together?

Because they both looked sharp!

What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife?

Oh, you don't know I won't ask you to wipe my bum then.

Why did the man use a pair of scissors on the rope?

The knife just wasn't cutting it.

What does stormtrooper armor protect against, exactly?

Knives

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell if an American has a conceal carry permit?

They'll tell you.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?

Tell her she's pregnant.

Redneck Jokes More Redneck Jokes

What did the redneck say when she lost her virginity?

GET OFF ME DAD, you're crushing my cigarettes!

How do redneck Na'vi get their skin tone?

Blue Genes... I'll be here all week

Stab Jokes More Stab Jokes

What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed?

So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?

Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?

FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

Feminist Jokes More Feminist Jokes

What's the difference between a feminist and an illegal immigrant?

The illegal immigrant knows how to cook.

How are babies different from feminists ?

Babies grow up and stop crying

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What is the best spanish joke you've ever heard?

I couldnt find the spanish section of reddit

Where will you find the best jokes?

Not on /r/jokes

Argue Jokes More Argue Jokes

What's it called when two morticians argue for hours on who gets to bang a corpse?

A stalemate.

Why did the eskimo spend 3 hours arguing with the return counter?

Because the warranty is void if the seal is broken.

Carve Jokes More Carve Jokes

How do you start a stampede in Ethiopia?

Carve a turkey

What's the best way to carve wood?

Whittle by whittle.

Box Jokes More Box Jokes

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Why do they write PIZZA all over the box?

what else could possibly be in there