Convince Jokes

What's you experience with "Friends with benefits"?

The close thing I came to having friends with benefits was .......... convincing my friend to bring food for me daily.

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Why did man invent curling?

To convince women sweeping was a sport.

What did Ernie say when his friend tried to convince him he was ice cream?

Are you surebert?

What's the hardest thing about being an audiophile?

Convincing the sound to get into your van.

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

What's the worst way to convince an officer who's pulled you over not to ticket you?

You can have my beer if you let me go."

How do you convince your neighbor to share their water with you?

Try to get a long well.

How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb?

This is a joke I came up with. Q: How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb? A: There's no need to change it when you can easily convince everyone that it still works, but they've gone blind.

Why did the blonde have an Abortion?

She wasn't convinced the baby was hers.

This joke may have profanity.

How do you convince America to join a war?

Tell them its almost over

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What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast

Why is Chewbacca bad at sports?

He's just a wookie!

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How do you know if someone's from Texas?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Why do they say cleanliness is next to godliness?

Because every time i talk dirty to my wife she tells me to go to hell.

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What if we gave people enough for three fries?

guy who invented ketchup packets

What happened at the funeral of the man who invented the USB?

They lowered his coffin, took it out, flipped it the other way round, then lowered it again.

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What do you call someone who keeps trying the same thing again and again, yet expects different results?

A weapons designer for the First Order.

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

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How do Frenchmen share files?

Pierre to Pierre.

Why did the Udon noodles stop drinking?

They wanted to be Soba... I heard that a few days ago and wanted to share it.

Van Jokes More Van Jokes

What's the difference between a normal ambulance and a skydiving ambulance?

Well, a normal ambulance is usually a van with a stretcher in the back. A skydiving ambulance A bucket and a shovel.

Why did the Mexicans only bring 5000 people to the Alamo?

They only had two vans

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What is the worst way to spell Mississippi?

Correctly.

What's the worst way to lose your job?

By firing squad.

Experience Jokes More Experience Jokes

Why did the solar wind start having hot flashes?

It was experiencing magnetopause.

What experience do you have plucking chickens?

Me: See all those hairs on my chin No. Me: Exactly.