Guitar Player Jokes

How do you get a guitar player to shut up?

Put sheet music in front of him

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Why did Sally the stripper stop dating the guitar player?

He kept trying to tune her G string.

How do you get the guitar player off of your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2 . One to screw it in and another to say, "I could do that".

How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?

Give him sheet music.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."

What do Catholics and guitar players have in common?

Neither of them practice.

What's the best way to get your guitar player to turn down the volume?

Give him the sheet music.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

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How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

Third as many as for a regular bulb.

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Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date?

He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't keep up to date?

irrelephant

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Why is Jesus bad at crossword puzzles?

He always gets stuck on 2 Across.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur traders....

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many performance artists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know either, I walked out early too.

How many eskimos does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Obviously.

Practice Jokes More Practice Jokes

What did God say after she made Eve?

Practice makes perfect."

What martial art do cows practice?

Moo-thai.

Mature Jokes More Mature Jokes

What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?

Government bonds mature over time and earn money

What's the difference between men and government bonds?

Bonds mature.

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What did Johann Sebastian Bach do when someone steam-rolled his organ?

He played a flat baroque piece!

Why do women only use putters while playing golf?

Because women can't drive.

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What's the difference between Eric Clapton and a snooker player?

One plays with an electric guitar, the other a-cue-stick.

Why did the snooker player go to the toilet?

To pot the brown.