Ill Jokes

What do you say when your ex has broken up with you?

Ill call you tomorow

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Which Norse God consistently uses VPNs?

Ill give you a hint, he remains very low-key.

What do you call a pirate's helicopter?

An Eye-patchy helicopter! . Ill show myself out.

What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.?

Call Baltimore, M.D.

What did the tiger say to the detective?

I'm not lion. Ill be here all week...

What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?

An ILL-EAGLE! 2X COMBO

Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies?

Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL . . . . . Ill show myshelf out...

Why can't you run in camp sites?

Its 'ran', because it's past tents... Ill see myself out.

How does the Easter Bunny keep his ears standing straight up?

He uses Hare Spray... (Ill see myself out)

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Sick Bird Jokes More Sick Bird Jokes

What do you get when you kiss a sick bird?

Cherpies.

What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?

An ILL-EAGLE! 2X COMBO

Ex Jokes More Ex Jokes

How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Apparently she will screw anything.

Who has more money than God?

His Ex-Wife.

Myshelf Jokes More Myshelf Jokes

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL . . . . . Ill show myshelf out...

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

What kind of organization is Atheism?

Non-prophet.

Baby Cow Jokes More Baby Cow Jokes

What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?

x-post from /r/3amjokes) It's pasture bedtime!(http://www.reddit.com/r/3amjokes/comments/1y8d67/whatdidthemamacowsaytothebabycow/)

What is the first question you ask a baby cow, after its gotten over an illness?

How are you vealing?

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What are goosebumps used for?

To keep geese from speeding!

Why aren't burgers the least bit scared of Halloween?

They're used to people 'goblin' them!

Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What does a 12 year old redneck girl say when she loses her virginity?

Get off me dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings?

Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats.

Remain Jokes More Remain Jokes

What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet?

Remains to be seen.

What do you think it'll be like?

The other student shrugs and says, "Remains to be seen".