Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?

An ATM machine

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

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How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What's the best day of the week to marry your gaming console?

Wednesday

What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ?

After a week he was spotless !

Drummer Jokes More Drummer Jokes

How do you get a drummer off your doorstep?

You pay for the pizza.

What do you call people who hang out with musicians?

Drummers

Dump Jokes More Dump Jokes

What do you call somebody who suffers from both depression and trisomy 21?

Down's in the dumps

Why was the mother flea feeling down in the dumps?

Because she thought her children were all going to the dogs.

Vend Jokes More Vend Jokes

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What's black and taps on the window?

A baby in the microwave :)

Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline Probally heard this but it's worth a shot

Load Jokes More Load Jokes

How do you keep an idiot with RES busy?

How do you make a computer your best friend?

You buy it a nice bunch of software and get it loaded!

Half Hour Jokes More Half Hour Jokes

What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?

You don't have to hug a washing machine half an hour after it finishes

What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch?

Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals.

Laundry Machine Jokes More Laundry Machine Jokes

What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?

The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back

What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after