Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?

An ATM machine

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What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

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How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Vend Jokes More Vend Jokes

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.

How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?

A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

What is the difference between arguing with a knife and arguing with your girlfriend?

The knife has a point.

Why did the circle stop arguing with the two intersecting lines?

Because they had a point

2 Week Jokes More 2 Week Jokes

What did the hippy who has been crashing on your couch for the last 2 weeks say when you asked him to leave?

Am I supposed to say the answer or let y'all guess for a bit !

Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine?

The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a lesbian and a sperm whale?

Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt.

What is the difference between a horse and a duck?

One goes quick and the other goes quack!

Mama Jokes More Mama Jokes

What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.

Why did the Italian boy want to grow a mustache?

A: So he could look like his mama.

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

How do you break a Polish man's finger?

Punch him in the nose.

How does a woman differ from a computer?

You can actually punch information into a computer.

Washing Machine Jokes More Washing Machine Jokes

Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?

Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.

How do you get a dozen eggs out of a washing machine in less than a minute?

i'm serious... help.