Provide Jokes

Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?

He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

When asked to provide proof that he had cirrhosis, what did OP do?

OP de-livered.

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

Why do arabs use Colgate before going to the airport?

because it provides cavity protection

Why don't undertakers provide free services?

That would be a dead giveaway.

What do you get when you mix a public speaker with someone who had tourettes?

A clock! One provides the tic, the other provides the talk Credit to my Autistic Big Bro

How many calls do I get?

cop: one me: What do you think is more likely a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel

How about a game?

You provide a random set up and we provide the punchline (PTP ). Most upvoted wins imaginary internet points.

What's "saying grace?

Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave

Who currently provides your Internet?

he asked. I said, "My next door neighbour."

How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.

How many assholes does it take to change a lightbulb?

It doesn't matter, mine itches so bad it's on fire, providing plenty of light for everyone in the room!

You might also enjoy:

Espionage Jokes More Espionage Jokes

Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?

He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq

How do you combat espionage?

Umbreonage

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert?

OC It was her sole comfort.

What do Lena Dunham &amp ISIS have in common ?

They both love stoning women.

Airport Jokes More Airport Jokes

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

Why did Ahmed Mohamed get delayed at the airport?

he was on a watch list...

Offer Jokes More Offer Jokes

What's the difference between an Hawaiin and a Muslim ?

One always offer a snack bar after saying hello

Which cable provider offers ISIS 24/7 support?

Daesh Network

Sprint Jokes More Sprint Jokes

What runs, but never sprints?

Inherited obesity

What's a Russian's favorite service provider?

Sprint.

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?

Names

What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What has 3 thumbs and was born near a nuclear power plant?

This guy

Why did the guy not draw a circle?

Because there was no point.

247 Jokes More 247 Jokes

How is my wife doing?

Doctor: I'm so sorry. The accident has left her in a vegetative-like state and I don't think she'll ever recover. She can barely move her limbs, if at all, and will be confined to a bed or wheelchair without the ability to ever walk again. You'll need to care for her 24/7, clothe her, feed her, bathe her, and she'll have no control of her bladder or bowels. Again, I'm so, so, sorry... ..... ..... ..... Just kidding! She's dead.

When's the improper fraction helpline open?

24/7