Sarcasm Jokes

Who else have gone through this Sarcasm?

Me: Baby, I was thinking about you so sending you She: Thanks for Thinking

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Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding sarcasm?

They take things literally

Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac?

Because they take things literally.

Why do beaches not get sarcasm?

Because they always take things littorally

What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

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Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

Which former pop star would be most likely to help deliver a baby?

Paula Ab-doula

What do you call a Jedi knight who delivers babies?

Obi-Gyn Kenobi.

Kleptomaniac Jokes More Kleptomaniac Jokes

What did a kleptomaniac say on 90% sale?

It was an absolute steal!"

Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally

Thief Jokes More Thief Jokes

What is it called when a thief steals a purse, runs into the street, then gets run over?

What do you call a thief that leaves a trail?

A crummy thief!

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What do Michael Jackson and Walmart have in common?

They both have little boys' jeans half off.

How do you get out?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

Humor Jokes More Humor Jokes

How many germans does it take to change a lightbulp?

One. We are efficient and don't have any humor.

What's the difference between humor and odor?

Humor is a shift of wit...

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

Why would anyone ever want to fly Virgin Airlines?

The last thing you want to do is get on a plane that doesn't go all the way.

What's the first thing you install on a new computer?

The operating system

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What kind of money do monsters use?

Weirdo (weird dough).

What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards?

A Czech Republic