Self Jokes

How do tacos fair in a war?

They tend to be shells of their former selves

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

What types of jokes grow on you?

They ones that go viral. I'll see my self out.

How do you know Sia is Scottish?

Because she loves sheep thrills! *shows self out

How did the cavemen in the far east protect them selves?

They Rocked their doors.

Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?

Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.

How does a ghost defend its self?

Kung Boo

What'd the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing they just waved.... I'll show my self out

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots. (I'll see my self out.)

Why was Mohamed Ali born a fighter?

In the womb, he used to fight bald clowns. (Self made joke)

Why did the priest dislike geometry?

It's sin-ful. self made joke

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you call it when an inmate takes a picture of their-self?

A Cellfie

What do you call something that you do to your self with one hand?

A Selfie!

How does a Mathematician hang them selves?

With a hypotenuse.

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel *sits there laughing to self* ...so lonely..

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Crucify Jokes More Crucify Jokes

What does a British midget get when he is told he is going to be crucified?

He gets a little cross.

What did the Romans say to each other after crucifying Jesus?

Nailed it!"

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why is Microsoft skipping Windows 9 and going straight to Windows 10?

Because 7 8 9!

What's the difference between windows 10 and the world's biggest virus?

The Logo.

Message Jokes More Message Jokes

What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?

To e or not to e that is the question.

How do mountainers send messages?

By ski-mail.

10 Second Jokes More 10 Second Jokes

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

What's the worst thing about running 100 meters in less than 10 seconds?

Being black.

Sia Jokes More Sia Jokes

How do you know Sia is Scottish?

Because she loves sheep thrills! *shows self out

Why is Sia not in her music videos?

Because she doesn't want anyone to Sia

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?

A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

How do you tell if you've posted an anitjoke in /r/Jokes?

If someone comments saying you posted an antijoke and that you should rather post your joke in /r/antijokes.

Harm Jokes More Harm Jokes

What did the teacher call her intelligent yet self-harming student?

Her scar pupil.

What job pays you to shoot people but not harm them?

A photographer.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

What do you get if you cross a phone with a mouthwash?

Tele-Scope.

What TV personality lives in your phone?

SIM Card-ashian! (it might help if you say it out loud)