Stomach Jokes

What did the policeman say to his stomach?

Your under a vest

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What did the police officer say to his stomach?

I've got you under a vest.

Why ebola medicine doesn't work in Africa?

Because it can't be taken on empty stomach

What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache?

I falafel.

Why do cows never walk out of horror movies?

They're able to stomach a lot.

What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach?

I won't digest yet.

Why was the lions stomach enormous?

Because he finally swallowed his pride

What does an egg say when it gets punched in the stomach?

Oeuf!

How do you get your stomach pumped?

Swallow a speaker playing "Remember the Name"

Why can't ethiopians take med pills?

Cause they can't take 'em with empty stomach.

How do you get out of the stomach of an elephant?

Run around until you get pooped out

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What do you call a bison that's sick to his stomach?

A barffalo

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What did the Muslim bring to the Holiday party?

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What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch?

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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

Thar's gold in them thar fills."

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Because they refuse to Submit to anyone but Allah.

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Why wasn't there a Captain America movie tie in videogame?

Because every time one bug was fixed, 2 more appeared.

Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one?

If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop

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How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

What do you do in 5 minutes that you then suffer for for 9 months?

A school application.

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What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?

Jockey and Jill!

What did the stork say to the couple?

Sorry mates Im out of babes (its a linguistic joke)

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Who is the president of the trees?

BarkOak Palma

How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. Their President outsources the job to India.

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What is the horror movie Quija rated?

Quija-13

Why are white people so bad at horror movies?

Because they're curious and want to learn. And that's why you don't see many black scientists.

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What makes cows and horses so valuable?

They have a lot of moo/neigh.

What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated