Undertaker Jokes

What do you get an undertaker for a wedding gift?

His and Hearse towels

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

What is an Undertaker's favorite element?

Barium.

Why don't undertakers provide free services?

That would be a dead giveaway.

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that."

What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?

They both take away the coffin.

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Hearse Jokes More Hearse Jokes

What do the bathroom doors at the funeral home say?

His and Hearse.

What do you call a repair shop that specializes in hearses?

A rehearsal.

Year Ago Jokes More Year Ago Jokes

What did gangster Pooh said to gangster Tigger?

Tigga please!" Sorry, I heard it years ago. I don't remember where or when but I've just been saying alot lately. :p

What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

Rehearse Jokes More Rehearse Jokes

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that."

Why can Chinese bands rehearse so much?

They're never short of Sichuan musicians.

English Language Jokes More English Language Jokes

What is the longest word in the English language?

SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!

What's the longest word in the English language?

A native Texan saying, "Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttt."

Draft Jokes More Draft Jokes

When is the NFL going to start drafting players with mental handicaps?

Have you ever seen a video of them getting the ball and not scoring a touchdown

What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

Cough Syrup Jokes More Cough Syrup Jokes

What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?

They both take away the coffin.

Why did Dracula's mother give him cough syrup?

Because Dracula was coffin. Source: A Laffy Taffy wrapper.

Coffin Jokes More Coffin Jokes

What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see?

Coffin

Why did the funeral director cover his mouth?

he kept coffin

Barium Jokes More Barium Jokes

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

What do you get when you combine Bromine with Barium?

Breaking Bad"