Vend Machine Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

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What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Quarter Jokes More Quarter Jokes

What goes into the mouth of a quarter horse?

Two bits!

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

How will a black chef start with his recipe?

First we steal two Eggs

What did the bartender say to the girl that tried to steal a drink?

It was worth a shot.

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

Vend Jokes More Vend Jokes

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

Why can't a Pirate make it through their ABC's?

They always get lost at C.

What's with the steering wheel on the front of your pants?

The pirate says, "Argh!! I don't know but it's driving me testicles!!!"

Cancel Jokes More Cancel Jokes

Why is it spelled 'cancelled' in the UK, but 'canceled' in the US?

Because the US gave the UK that L back in 1776.

Whatever happened to Robot Jones?

He got cancelled.

Machine Jokes More Machine Jokes

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Football Coach Jokes More Football Coach Jokes

Why did the football coach return to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

Why did the football coach call his quarterback a hairdresser?

Because he missed a split-end on a curl.