Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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Where's the best place to hide a body in texas?

Oops. Wrong subreddit!

Where's the best place to buy jive cheese?

Monterey, Jack!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Whats the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?

Leave a yoghurt out in the sun for 300 years and it'll develop a culture

Why didn't the cargo ship want to leave the bay?

Because it was a freight!

Candidate Jokes More Candidate Jokes

Which candidate will most improve our country?

2016 election: Which candidate is least likely to start The Purge

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Prize Jokes More Prize Jokes

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

Why was the boy unhappy to win the prize for the best costume at the Halloween party?

Because he just came to pick up his little sister.

Cemetery Jokes More Cemetery Jokes

Why did the man quit working at the cemetery?

It was hard to make a living.

Why did the guy take his (computer) tablet to the cemetery?

Because it was dead.

Policy Jokes More Policy Jokes

How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy?

There's some things I've licked that I don't want.

What's the policy at French morgues?

Baguette and tag it.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between tequila, and all of my relationships?

Tequila never goes bad

What's the difference between a waiter and a waitress?

The size of the tip.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

Why doesn't Pac-Man use Twitter?

Because he doesn't like being followed.

What's the different between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter has a character limit