Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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Where's the best place to go if you want a little head?

The 2016 Olympics.

Where's the best place to hide a body?

Stephen Hawking's personal gym.

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What do you call the version of google maps without pac man?

Pac Man-free Ver.

Why doesn't Bono like Google?

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

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What is the difference between a blonde and a blonde dude?

The blonde has a higher sperm count.

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.

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What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What does John F. Kennedy have in common with the current Democratic Party?

No brains

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Why did the funeral director cover his mouth?

he kept coffin

What does the funeral director say to the 11am service goers?

Mournin'

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Why are Twitter jokes not as funny when you read them aloud to a friend?

It's not like they had to be there...

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

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Why did the melons decide to have a wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why did Thor decide to sleep in?

He was up all night to Get Loki.

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What award did the kid in a coma for six weeks win?

Atrophy.

What did the winner of the not moving contest get?

Atrophy