Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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Ice Jokes More Ice Jokes

What did the eskimo say when her water broke?

Oh no, my ice cracked!

What can I get you today?

Harambe: May I get a martini Me: Just ice for Harambe. Harambe: Just ice Me: Justice for Harambe.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

Why did the cat get arrested for playing a violin?

Because it was a kitty fiddler.

Why do cats chase birds ?

For a lark !

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Why did the monkey fall of the tree?

Why did the second monkey fall off the tree? Why did the third monkey fall of the tree? Peer pressure.

What's better than getting second place at the special Olympics?

Not being retarded

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

What does a fisherman say when he catches a fish?

His catch-phrase. Short n' Sweet, hope you like it!

What are french journalists good at catching?

Bullets.

Alderaan Jokes More Alderaan Jokes

Why could Luke and Leia never be together?

They went looking for love in Alderaan places.

Why did Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia never get together?

Because Luke was looking for love in Alderaan places!!

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

How do you hide money from a hippie?

Put it under the soap.

Why aren't the Eagles worried about big cats sneaking up on them?

They know there ain't no way to hide those lion eyes.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

What does earth say to the other planets?

You have no life

Whats a Joke with no Punchline?

Life

Select Jokes More Select Jokes

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS?

He was in Peake condition.