English Jokes

Where is the English Channel ?

Pupil: I don't know my TV doesn't pick it up

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What does King Kong and a black person have in common?

neither of them can't speak english and are unemployed.

Why do the English always carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas can't walk

Which word is the longest in the English language?

Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

What's the most 'Spoken' language on Earth?

Hint: It's not English Spanish.

What do a cab driver and a cue ball have in common?

The harder you hit them ...the more english you get out.

Why do the English drink warm beer?

Lucas refrigerators.

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Understand Jokes More Understand Jokes

What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What did the thunder say when it understood the joke?

I feel so enlightninged!

American Jokes More American Jokes

What's the difference between Canadians and Americans?

100 pounds.

Why do so many American kids die in school shootings?

They're not allowed to run in the halls.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between dog food and a hot dog?

I have no idea...

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and dead babies?

I didn't lose my virginity in the back of a Lamborghini.

Military Jokes More Military Jokes

What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

Why Aren't SJW's Allowed In The Military?

They are too trigger-happy.

English Language Jokes More English Language Jokes

What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?

A: "Nobody's perfect!"

What is the longest word in the English language?

SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!

Draft Jokes More Draft Jokes

How do you write an essay that blows people away?

With lots of drafts

Why do writers always feel cold?

Because they are surrounded by drafts!

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?

How many did it take last year

How the hell did Caitlyn Jenner win women of the year?

She hasnt even been a women for a year yet.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What is the best way to find out if someone is ticklish?

Use your test tickles

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5