Gandalf Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

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Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

What did Gandalf say when he tried to shut down Auschwitz?

You shall not gas!"

Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

What do hobbits secretly call Gandalf when he drinks too much ?

The White Wizzer

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?

Stupid, filthy habitses!

Why is Gandalf's cupcake shop so successful?

Because he has a magical staff.

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Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

Syrian Mckellen

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

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What did the really ugly man do for a living ?

He posed for Halloween masks !

What can I do about it?

Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

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What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

Why is marriage is like an alarm clock?

After the ring, you wake up!

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

How does a Muslim shut a door?

Islams it.

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Why do the French like Cheap Trick?

Because they always surrender!

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

Hobbit Jokes More Hobbit Jokes

Which disease do hobbits fear the most?

The Bilbonic plague.

What do you call 13 dwarves and a hobbit inside a mountain?

A *smaugasbord*.

Pimp Jokes More Pimp Jokes

What do you call a redneck with two sheep?

A Pimp

How could the pimp always easily locate his ho?

Because, she really stands out on the street.

Remove Jokes More Remove Jokes

What cereal was removed from Tim Cook's breakfast?

Apple Jacks

How do introverts feel within society?

removed

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What do you think Mozart is doing right now?

Decomposing.

What do you call a hard working midget?

A little elbow grease just thought of this one