Gandalf Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

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Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

What did Gandalf say when he tried to shut down Auschwitz?

You shall not gas!"

Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

What do hobbits secretly call Gandalf when he drinks too much ?

The White Wizzer

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?

Stupid, filthy habitses!

Why is Gandalf's cupcake shop so successful?

Because he has a magical staff.

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Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

Syrian Mckellen

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

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Islamic Jokes More Islamic Jokes

What do you call someone who just occasionally dabbles in a bit of Islamic fundamentalism?

A Wahhobbyist.

What do you call an Islamic pilot?

A pilot, you racist.

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

How can you tell when Halloween is coming too soon?

The sight of premature Ejack-o-lanterns in the neighborhood. I'm a Dad so this joke is OK

Arrive Jokes More Arrive Jokes

What did the blind man say when he arrived at the fish market?

Hello, ladies."

What did the Ohioan Satanist say when he arrived to cult?

Ohio Satan!"

Splinter Jokes More Splinter Jokes

Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

Why are the Ninja Turtles on the No-Fly list?

Because they are members of an underground Splinter cell.

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

Which part of your body shuts down last when you die?

The eyes, cause they di-late.

What's the Difference between a Wife and an Attic Door?

An attic door can shut up. im going to hell

Pimp Jokes More Pimp Jokes

What does a pimp do when his garden needs tending?

He grabs a hoe.

What's the difference between Santa and a pimp ?

Santa has just 3 Ho's...

Hospital Jokes More Hospital Jokes

How do you know it was not U.S. that did the aerial bombing?

Because the funeral, wedding and hospital were not the targets.

Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?

The hip Doctor!

Mordor Jokes More Mordor Jokes

What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?

Two Towers.

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.