Gas Station Jokes

Why was a happy couple weary to kiss at the gas station?

They were scared of sparks flying.

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What do you call a family that runs a gas station?

Pump kin.

What's wrong honey?

My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*

Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station?

It is a day to be tankful.

What do you call a gas station that sells crabs?

A crustacean.

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Turtle Jokes More Turtle Jokes

What do you call Dana Carvey standing on the back of Dana Carvey?

Turtles all the way down

Who is Thor?

A very worn-out thuper hero. (An excerpt from Brother Time and the Turtle: More Excuses for Jokes: )

Pump Jokes More Pump Jokes

Why are jack-o-lanterns inbred?

because they pump-kin

How do you get your stomach pumped?

Swallow a speaker playing "Remember the Name"

Lock Jokes More Lock Jokes

What was the internet like in the old days?

Me: *opens door* *pushes 16 outside* *locks door*

What is it like to mod r/news?

This thread has been locked. You will unable to vote or comment.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What do you call a 2x4 that lost its family to a fire?

mourning wood

What's the difference between an arts graduate and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family

Handicap Jokes More Handicap Jokes

Why do handicapped people wear shoes?

Because if they didn't their local gas station would turn a blind eye.

What kind of laundry detergent do handicapped people use?

Downy. I apologize for this one, it's pretty mean. I really do sympathize with handicapped people.

Thanksgive Jokes More Thanksgive Jokes

How was your thanksgiving?

gt&gt Very stuffing.

Why don't you want a turkey at your thanksgiving dinner?

Because it'll gobble up everything.

Spark Jokes More Spark Jokes

Why's the ch pronounced differently in orchid than in orchard?

ROBOT: twitch, spark

How cute does one have to be to make sparks fly?

Electro cute

Clean Jokes More Clean Jokes

Where's my cell?

Right there." That's not my phone. "Yes it is. I cleaned it!" My cell's white

Why did Helen Keller stop cleaning her dishes?

She was running out of things to read.