Lottery Jokes

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What did Helen Keller say when she won the lottery?

uunnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg!

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet as her ?

She should play the lottery too !

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

Why did the former fitter turned baker enter the lottery?

To win dough.

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What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there ! Charles ! Charles who ?

Charles your luck on the lottery !

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did Mario lose a life?

He stubbed his MiyamoToe. ...I'll see my way out.

What do you call a matador who lost to the bull?

A mat'o'gore.

I. Jokes More I. Jokes

Why is the alphabet of a pirate incomplete ?

Because they lost an I.

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

U and I.

G Jokes More G Jokes

Why did the skeletons start dancing?

Because they forgot the g in graveyard.

What is dark, invades you in your sleep, and starts with N-I-G?

Nightmares you racist.

R Jokes More R Jokes

What don't you ever wanna call a black person that begins with the letter n. And ends with the letter r?

Neighbor

How does Al Gore spell potato?

A: T-A-T-E-R.

O Jokes More O Jokes

What do you call a nutritionist who sidelines as an automotive journalist?

A carb-o-rater

What do you call a disabled Lego?

An O.

Toxic Waste Dump Jokes More Toxic Waste Dump Jokes

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got to choose first

X Jokes More X Jokes

How many handicapped guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one if it's Professor X.

What is it called when you mix Alcohol and Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird. (X-post )

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

What did cinderella do when she reached the ball?

She choked.

Whats bigger than your balls?

The moon