Valentine Day Jokes

Where did I take my pet Cow on Valentines Day?

To the Moooovies

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What do single people call Valentine's Day?

Independence Day

What did the french chef give his wife on Valentine's day?

A hug and a little quiche.

What's the difference between the calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine's day.

How do single people honor valentine's day?

By Celibating!

Who sends flowers on Valentines Day?

Cupigs!

Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration?

Because you can really party hearty!

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?

I'm stuck on you!"

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?

Let me call you Tweet heart!

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?

Hog and kisses!

How can you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

I responded with, "How can you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody loves you "

What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?

Forget-me-nuts.

What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't?

No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.

What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?

Ughs and kisses!

What did the runaway melon say to the honeydew on Valentine's Day?

I cantaloupe.

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?

You're purrr-fect for me!

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?

Cauliflowers!

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What is Whitney Houston's best kind of coordination?

Hand EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE

What was Whitney Houston's biggest hit?

Her last one

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What is the movie name?

Independence Day

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How do you say doormat in Spanish?

Matador

What is Pink and lies on the doormat?

Whitney Houston's Valentines Day Cards

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How do french thank who save their files?

Merci backup.

What do the French learn in basic training?

How to surrender in twenty-seven different languages.

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Why is Friday the best day of the week?

Its the 5/7 day of the week

How does a neckbeard greet a tree?

Good day, m'hogany'

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What do girls fear that's big, scary, and pink?

The Alaskan Bull Worm.

How do you get girls?

Me: I'm smart and funny. Her: That works Me: No I'm terribly alone, I was just saying.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Why are pilots so honest?

Keep those maintenance issues quiet. I want lies, frankly. "We're delayed because we're winning a safety award."