Wallet Jokes

Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

To remind them why there's no money in it

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Why is New Jersey called the Garden State?

Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house.

Why did the poor art collector only buy miniature paintings?

He wanted more Monet in his wallet.

What does Samuel Jackson say when he is mugging you?

What's in your wallet?

Why do Italians carry slices of turd in their wallets?

For identification.

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

Why do wallets make so much noise?

Because money talks.

How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen?

Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....

What do you get when you fart on your wallet?

Gas money

When he finishes drinking, he pulls out his wallet and say to the Bartender, "How much?

The Bartender says, "For you No charge."

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Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How long does it take Putin to give his car an oil change?

Nyet long. He's always Russian.

Why do they name all hurricanes after women?

Because when they arrive they are wet and wild, and when they leave they take your house and car

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

What do the Globetrotters do when they're finished urinating?

The Harlem Shake

Why do girls like nice guys?

Cause nice guys always finish last.

Turd Jokes More Turd Jokes

Why do Italians carry slices of turd in their wallets?

For identification.

Why does it say TRD on that Toyota truck?

Because it's a turd!

Performance Jokes More Performance Jokes

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use?

Polaroids

Gas Money Jokes More Gas Money Jokes

What do you get when you fart on your wallet?

Gas money

How did he get so rich?

By saving the gas money!

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How do blondes carpool?

They meet up a work

Whats Black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, ya racist.

Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

Why should you always knock before opening the refrigerator?

Because there might be an Italian dressing.

What do you call it if you put an IED on an Italian?

Rigatoni!

Bartender Jokes More Bartender Jokes

What did the brown dwarf say to the bartender?

I'd like a Corona, please.

What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar?

I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem *sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either