Replace Jokes

What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why was the mechanic sad he had to replace a wheel bearing?

It was da-press-in.

What happened to the guy who replaced his laxatives with Prozac?

He didn't give a sh...

What did the bird say when he flew over K-Mart?

Caw Caw why'd my natural habitat get replaced with 165 000 square feet of consumerist wasteland lol

How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine?

Just Juan and Emmanuel.

How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with.

How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home?

Echo-location, location, location (Replace "bat" with "zubat" if you wish.)

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

How do you always keep your shoes tied?

Replace the laces with earphones.

What did the tv get for Christmas?

Replaced

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How many white people does it take to replace a light bulb?

One to hold the bulb, and the rest to screw the whole world.

How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails?

A: Replace the nails with screws.

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

How many Mexicans does it take to replace a light bulb?

Juan

What did the Imam say after he was replaced by immigrants?

They took my hijab!

How many mexicans does it take to replace a lightbulb?

Juan.

Why doesn't Jesus like M&amp?

Ms? They keep falling through. If that's not offensive enough, replace it with black Jesus and skittles.

How about an office party?

ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess

What replaces Steam, the gaming platform, in China?

Pollution.

Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

Idk, accordion to research I guess.

What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

What do you call 1,000 liberals at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start! **an old joke that my dad used to tell at every party. You could replace "liberals" with pretty much anything.

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

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Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

Why did the flume ride need repairs?

Because it got waterlogged.

Juan Jokes More Juan Jokes

What do Mexican and Black people have in common?

Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.

What do you call a fight in Mexico?

A Juan on Juan.

Ultra Sound Guy Jokes More Ultra Sound Guy Jokes

Who is the coolest guy in a hospital. The ultra sound guy. Whos the coolest when he is off?

The hip replacement guy. /dad

Who is the coolest guy in the Hospital?

A. The Ultra Sound guy. Q. Who is the second coolest? A. The Hip replacement dude.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Some guy sitting up all night wondering if there really is a dog

What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives?

The guy gets fierious.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Who's the most popular guy in the hospital?

The Ultra Sound guy. Who is it when he's not there? The Hip Replacement guy.

Religion Jokes More Religion Jokes

What religion do ghosts practice?

Boo-ddhism

What do religions and gender have in common?

You hear about a new one every day and none of them make any sense.

Coolest Guy Jokes More Coolest Guy Jokes

Who's the coolest guy at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy.

Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy. And who covers when hes off sick The hip replacement guy.

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

What do a three paragraph term paper and a 5'2" Mexican have in common?

They're both short essays.

What did the Mexican firefighter call his two sons?

Jos and Hose-B