Shotgun Jokes

What does a blonde and a shotgun have in common?

You break them at the middle and load them from behind

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What sound does a shotgun make?

Cobain Cobain

What do you call a rifle that has been fired recently?

A shotgun

Why can't melons have shotgun weddings?

They cantaloupe

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

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Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a light bulb?

to get to the other side

Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?

Because they push back harder.

Melon Jokes More Melon Jokes

Why do melons have traditional weddings?

Because they can't elope!

Why do melons always have church weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

How did you get those horrible burns?

flashback to me enjoying some hot soup on a rollercoaster* I saved a litter of puppies from a fire.

How was work?

flashback to me being asked to leave the meeting because I couldn't stop giggling after someone said "abreast" me:Good

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

How do you spell no?

Me: Sound it out. What makes the na na na na na na na na na sound 4: Batman (Spelling is hard)

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A Carrot.

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VIII have in common?

Same middle name.

What did the confused Mackem say when he discovered that he was smack bang in the middle of Newcastle?

I'm in the middle of *no Wear*

Wedding Jokes More Wedding Jokes

What do a wedding and a funeral have in common?

At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.

What did the sheep use to shave before his wedding?

Elopping shears

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

Why should you always take at least two Baptists fishing?

Because if you take one, he'll drink all your beer

How do you get a Mormon to not drink all of your beer on a fishing trip?

Bring two Mormons.

Rifle Jokes More Rifle Jokes

What is a rifle with three barrels?

A trifle.

What did one rifle say to the other?

Me llamo es 762