Voldemort Jokes

How does Voldemort seal his mail?

With his Parceltongue. (...I'll see myself out)

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What do you call a bad riddle?

Voldemort

How did voldemort look like when he was hiding in albania?

Pretty gaunt

What would Voldemort name his pet tortoise ?

Voldetort.

Why does voldemort have flat face?

He ran into wrong wall at train station

What if Voldemort's last horcrux was his virginity?

Then Harry Potter would have to destroy it ofcourse.

What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Hor-crocs.

What's the difference between Voldemort and Tyrion Lannister?

One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?

You-knew-who

How can you tell Voldemort used the bathroom before you?

He leaves a dark mark

Why are all the ladies attracted to Voldemort?

Because of his hex appeal.

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What happened to Voldemort's face?

Nobody nose.

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Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.

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A viola burns longer.

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A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.

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What do you call someone that steals shoes?

A sneaker.

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WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes.

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How does Harry Potter travel about?

Walking -Jk Rolling

What's the loudest thing in the last two Harry Potter films?

Deaf Lee's "HELLO!"

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Why were the Persians attracted to the Anatolian Greeks?

Because they were Ionic.

Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus?

Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)

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How old is Tyrion Lannister?

A: Peter Dinkl-age

What's the difference between Voldemort and Tyrion Lannister?

One had a horcrux, the other had a whorecrush..

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Why did a seal go to the bar?

Because he didn't want to go clubbing.

What will you have?

The seals says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."