Chimney Jokes

Why don't black people get presents for Christmas?

Because prisons don't have chimneys.

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What is Santas motto?

Wrap your package before you shove it down the chimney.

What do you call someone who's afraid of Santa getting stuck in their chimney?

Claus-trophobic.

Why can't there be a Santa Pig?

Pigs don't fit in chimneys.

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down?

He keeps a log

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia!

Why does Santa go down the chimney?

Because it **soots** him. Credit: Curious: The Tourist Guide

What happens when Santa get stuck in a chimney?

He gets claustrophobic!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?

Black mail !

What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?

Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.

What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?

An umbrella!

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What do you do if somebody dies Christmas Eve?

Wait 12 hours and have Christmas Mourning

What do the lady reindeer do on Christmas eve?

They hit the town and blow a few bucks.

Letter Jokes More Letter Jokes

How can you spell chilly with two letters?

IC (icy) .

Why is a racehorse like a letter?

They both begin a trip at the post!

Rub Jokes More Rub Jokes

What is a guy who rubs bear toes called?

Rob...wait for it... erto! Rubeartoe!

Why was there never an Aladdin 4?

Because he kept on rubbing the wrong lamp.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What do they leave on your pillow at a bordello in Dijon, France?

Condom-Mints

Why did Comic Sans's girlfriend leave him?

He just wasn't her type.

Shove Jokes More Shove Jokes

What is Santas motto?

Wrap your package before you shove it down the chimney.

How's the baby?

Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..

Santa Claus Jokes More Santa Claus Jokes

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby ?

You can feel his presents ...

What do you ask from Santa Claus this year?

Oh, just 50 dollars, like always.

Present Jokes More Present Jokes

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Package Jokes More Package Jokes

What did the redditor say when he opened his package from the UniBomber?

Wow, I did not expect this post to blow up

Who's there ! Amelia ! Amelia who ?

Amelia a package last week - did you get it !